#Rant# No Apology for this one…

Picture the scene…

Visitors on the way, dashing round the house in full ‘panic cleaning’ mode, when an ungodly sound emerges from the living room where my co-skivvy was vacuuming.

What follows is an exercise in the more colourful use of the English language and a very pretty coloured cloud of smoke floating over the now to be known as ex-vacuum.

-1 vacuum in the Rochester household

Visitors enjoy a fun filled time and, despite the initial worries causing the cleaning frenzy, don’t seem to be too perturbed to be sitting in a quagmire morass of filth (this is what I assume my GF sees when looking at a room not immediately available for surgery due to the less than surgical level of cleanliness).

1 cup of tea later and I’m on the web – I’m a wolf searching out the prey of pre Christmas deals for the replacement of the aforementioned ex-vacuum. Seeking out those little known sites where the mythical ‘Bargain Beast’ resides.

Littlewoods – best deal – who’d have believed that!

Ordered – paid – time for the patience of the saints to manifest… ETA 12th December…

Nope

HDNL or as they are now known ‘Yodel’ seem to think that the company of my vacuum is a pleasure to savour. It’s obviously a vacuum of some social standing as they choose to delight in it’s presence for a full 7 days before reluctantly relinquishing the pleasure and dropping it to my home.

Meantime I’m corresponding with Littlewoods – via a system that seems to have an inherent delay longer than that encountered by NASA when speaking to the International Space Station ~ every time I send a reply it takes 2 days to receive a reply!

Now I get to endure the cleansing of the knee-deep banks of dust that have built up in the interim.

So, to recap, this is the delivery procedure from Littlewoods via Yodel

• Order
• Pay
• Wait the 3 days Littlewoods say the deliver will take (track the package online)
• Expect the delivery to be enacted within a day or so of the ‘arrived at depot’ report
• 2 days later spend about 45 minutes trying to converse with a bored employee of the couriers attempting to discover the location and likely ETA
• Send an email to Littlewoods complaining that this is not good enough – Google ‘Worst UK Courier” and experience a sad sinking feeling when multiple results come up with HDNL and/or Yodel
• 2 days later, receive an email asking for account confirmation details for ‘security porpoises’ (spelling intentional!) – reply as soon as possible
• 2 days later receive the stock “sometimes these things happen’ email – reply as soon as possible
• Finally get an update on the tracking system saying the package is on the drivers van
• Receive a package nearly 9 days after ordering it

Sigh…

 

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